The way through

Had been feeling too old, too late for the life I’ve longed for, unwanted, and uninteresting. Regretting the time I wasted proving myself to anyone who decided I wasn’t worth it. Regretting the choices I made from the place of my unmet needs. All those moments when I looked away from my heart’s message, pivoting toward external validation. 

It’s all there. Every turn left a mark on the path. As if to leave breadcrumbs, markers on the road so that I won’t forget. So I know the direction when I’m ready to trace my way back to my heart. 

The pivot marks; at once the source of pain and of remembering who I am. The beautiful patterns, the patina of my life choices. All there, marking my life for me, telling my story. 

Last night I dreamt that I was gestating a baby inside of my womb. My intentional rebirth. It was a teaching dream, giving me step-by-step instructions on how to care for her by intentionally and decisively weeding out the old stories that made me feel unwanted, invalidated, and alone. No longer sccurate, they are just to be stopped on their tracks. Don’t slip down the rabbit hole, the dream said. Stop and just turn toward your heart. Stay connected to what feeds your womb the nourishment, love, and encouragement she needs. Intentional love, intentional birth. 

It was a clearing dream, clarifying what truly matters. Its actual contents were designed for an audience of one, me. Its message though, was universal. 

Pivot toward your heart
Choose your heart
Validate your heart 
Clear the rest. 

With love ~ Mahshad